An old sweet song keeps Sugarbakers on my mind
Dear Powers That Be,
Designing Women is not available for instant streaming on Netflix.
Why do you hate us and want us to be unhappy?
Sigh-ned,
Peeves
Seriously. So please: Less?
Facebook ”repost if you have/ are/ did/ would too” copypasta.
We’ve all seen it. We’ve all sighed at its pointlessness. It’s not that it’s bad, ugly, or mean. And it’s certainly not hurting anyone. The real problem with it is that it’s uninteresting, repetitious, dull, and would seem to indicate the poster cares more about having something to say than something worthwhile to say.
And if you’re anything like ol’ Peeves here you’ve just about had your fill of this week’s copypasta homage to America’s Dairyland (see below).
Don’t get me wrong. I think Wisconsin is great. And I understand that people are just trying to pass along a smile when they copy-paste (ad nauseum) items like the one included here, all featuring such winning commands as “Copy and repost if you agree!!”
It’s just that they don’t need to. Really. We’d all be better off if our friends and family shared their original thoughts, no matter how short or simple*, than if they copied and pasted a series of worn out, uphill-both-ways newsfeed clogs.
(Especially when the bar has been set so low on requirements for humor. Bubbler vs Water Fountain? Again? REALLY? But I’m getting ahead of myself.)
Cheesy attempts at building camaraderie over such trite har-hars as how one’s home state names carbonated beverages have never gone far with me. Actually, they’ve never gone anywhere with me. These are dead jokes, people. I know they’re easy, but it’s time to let them go. Appreciate meaningful content in your conversations the same way you appreciate it in your choice of states.
Your mom posts broken gifs.
It’s not that there’s no smile to be smiled over such drivel. If the copy-paster thought something worth reposting then there must be at least a flicker of lip-lift buried in it somewhere. It’s just that anyone over the age of 11 has heard all of this before. It’s as unoriginal now as it was in 1996 when Great Aunt Old-World-Ethnic-Name first forwarded it in an email filled with glittering state flag .gifs.
The piece of safely Centrist glurge below is currently plaguing Facebook walls throughout Wisconsin, and perhaps throughout your state as well if you know many Wisconsinites. (You should, you know. After ten or fifteen years some of us really start to warm up.)
The pointless (poorly spelled, atrociously punctuated, inconsistently tensed) text in question this time around:
I grew up in Wisconsin where we have Friday night fish frys. The nations largest music festival; Summerfest, Harley Davidson, we are Americas Dairyland, the nations largest water park; Noah’s Ark, Laura Ingalls Wilder and The Ringling Brothers, House on the Rock, 14,000 lakes. I grew up in Wisconsin where you can Fish, Hunt, Water Ski, and Snowmobile… sometimes all in the same week! We have big trucks and big dreams, and a bubbler is something you drink from, and a water fountain is something you throw a penny in and make a wish. I loved growing up in Wisconsin!!! Repost if u did too!!!
No you didn’t.
You may, however, have done the following:
I grew up in Wisconsin where we have (sudden shift from past to present?) Friday night fish fries; the nation‘s largest music festival, Summerfest; Harley Davidson; we are America‘s Dairyland (sudden shift from “have” to “are” then back again?); the nation‘s largest water park, Noah’s Ark; Laura Ingalls Wilder and The Ringling Brothers; House on the Rock; and 14,000 lakes. I grew up in Wisconsin where you can Ffish, Hhunt, Wwater Sski, and Ssnowmobile… sometimes all in the same week! We have big trucks and big dreams, and (totally unrelated contextually) where a bubbler is something you drink from, and a water fountain is something you throw a penny in and make a wish. I loved growing up in Wisconsin!!! Repost if you did too!!!
Gluuuuuurrrr...
One of the few things worse than this paragraph’s 29¢ greeting card unoriginality (was it written by someone with no frame of reference on Wisconsin but a post card at a state line visitor center?) is its utter triviality. It’s about as profitable a series of statements as “I grew up in a house where we have metal sink handles, a separate mailbox for the newspaper, and a neighbor who’s lived on our street longer than us!!!”
I’m not saying the “Yay Wisconsin” paragraph above is an example of horrible writing, because it isn’t horrible. In my experience, Vogon level copypasta is actually pretty rare. But it is still bad, in addition to being increasingly meaningless as more and more people repost it and it becomes just another glut of scroll-past-spam.
My main concern through all of this, truly, is: Why encourage and perpetuate unfunny lameness? We’re smarter and funnier than that, aren’t we?
…
Aren’t we?
And while I doubt a little valueless spam is going to ruin anyone’s day** with its mindless cutesie-ness, it is going to sadden dear Peeves if you repost it. In fact, it was that very sadness which prompted this post as I’ve now seen the above dullness appear on the walls of more than a few people who:
1) are too interesting to repost such empty sentiments
2) have better senses of humor than this “Chicken Soup For the Cheesehead’s Soul” crap
3) know how to spell and construct a sentence in English, and who I would therefore expect to notice- and correct- at least a few of the 23+ errors in the above paragraph before polluting the internet by passing it on.
It’s empty, people.
It’s not funny.
It’s not quaint. Or clever. Or cute.
It’s boring.
It’s just boring.
———————————–
*It is possible that you have some friends on Facebook whose original thoughts are ONLY short and simple. It is still better to see those posts than to see copy-paste nonsense so you can know who they really are. At the very least, knowing the truth will enable you to strategically avoid conversation traps with said short-and-simples at holiday parties.
**It has not ruined mine. I assure you my entire day has been lovely. Were you to stumble in through my front door you would not find me scowling and banging my fists, mouse in hand ready to be thrown, crying over our national dumbward spiral. This post on FB (again and again and again) simply stood out to me as particularly poor and dull and therefore worth a little attention.
Art class isn't here, Mrs. Torrance
Dear Idiots,
It’s time to rethink your schedule. 4:30 in the morning is not the time to use your toaster oven as a kiln.
I can only assume that is what you were doing this morning when you triggered the apartment building’s fire alarm, because surely if you are old enough to need to get up at 4:30 in the morning you are old enough to make toast without burning it, and to not set burning cigarettes down on piles of napkins.
Next time the building fire alarm goes off for a half hour that early in the morning, the voodoo dolls are coming out.
Sincerely,
Underslept
*shrug*
Meh.
Why do people write things like “no copyright infringement intended” in the video description on YouTube when they post something for which they do not own the rights? (Legally allowable parody and satire aside.)
It doesn’t matter if you “intended” to infringe on the rights of the video in question.
The fact is: You did infringe on the rights of the video in question.
I only “intended” to drive faster when I operated my vehicle over the posted speed limit.
The fact is: I did break the law in driving thus.
And you can argue about the validity of such laws- about whether they hurt or help. Have at it, friend, as I toast your efforts. (Y’arrrr. Here be a fellow Buccaneer American.) But until said laws are altered or abolished, you sound like an idiot when you tell the world you didn’t “intend” to do what you are currently, and as a matter of provable fact, doing.
"You can post xkcd in your blog (whether ad-supported or not) with no need to get my permission. " - Señor xkcd, Randall Munroe
